An Ex's Girlfriend is An Odd Thing to Meet

My ex finally got in touch with me yesterday, after two months of not hearing from him. Now in most cases that might be considered normal, but in my case it wasn't. We became really good friends after we stopped trying to be married (now that was a hot mess, and not a hot mess in a good way either - more like the steaming-pile-of-crap kind of mess). Once we let that other stuff go, we got along like a house on fire. During the marriage I think we were lucky one of us didn't set the house on fire...again, not in a good way.

So, I've been worried about him. He's been having some difficulties, and they were pretty bad. Not my place to broadcast them, as it's his life and not mine, but suffice it to say they were harsh enough I wondered if he'd make it through alive. Hearing from him yesterday was a relief. He's alive, he's getting past the crap, and he actually seems pretty happy, considering. Good stuff.

He stopped by today to pick something up, and he had his girlfriend with him. They've been together off and on for quite some time, so I knew about her - just didn't know it was on again at this particular moment in time. I wasn't really expecting to meet her, but whatever. I've been down that road before with other guys, and another ex-husband, so it isn't virgin territory, but it is still pretty weird. Don't think I'll be playing cards with the two of them, but who knows?

Thankfully it looks as though he's going to have a truck this weekend and will come get me so I can pick up the remaining crap I have at his mom's house. I won't have to replace the cushion for the second Ikea chair after all, I'll have all my clothes again, and I'll have my office chair back. A few other things are there, as well, but those were the ones in my head. Things I knew I'd have to replace, and I hate having to do that when I know there isn't anything wrong with them. It's like an itch at the back of the neck.

I will say, what with meeting the girlfriend, she was nicer than I expected. I've met others that were just nasty (not his, but other girlfriends of exes). I feel better about the two of them together than I did before - less worried about his future, I guess. I can't be a part of his future in that way, as we don't have that between us now, so I'd like to see him settled and happy. I guess we should get around to that whole divorce thing then, huh?

Of course, him having to wait for a divorce might be better for him - keep him from rushing into something else. However, him not being divorced could also hurt his current relationship. Girlfriends don't usually like it when their man is married to someone else (can't imagine why). Especially when it's someone as fantastic as me - ba ha ha ha ha. Yeah, I get a kick out of myself. You have to get your ego boosts where you can find them. Too bad I have to live in the real world, sort of, rather than in my own all the time, seeing as I'm so well liked in mine. Worshipped wouldn't be too strong a word.

One thing I hope is that she's not one of those girlfriends who freaks out about the ex and demands he stops being friends with me. Why should he? I don't turf my friends for boyfriends, period. I've never done that, and despite it being weird for guys at first they eventually remembered who they were dealing with. I don't think I've ever met anyone who has a more rigid code of honour or conduct when it comes to relationships. I don't even fantasize about cheating - it's a good way to find yourself in the thick of it, quite frankly. Admittedly I can't say the same for anyone else, seeing as you can never know what's going on in their heads - nor should you.

I actually don't think there's anything morally wrong with fantasizing about anything you want to, but I don't feel comfortable with mental boot-knocking on the 'greener' side of the fence. It feels like cheating to me. I'm expending emotional and sexual energy on the wrong person. If I spent it on the right one, I'd get a hell of a lot more out of it anyway! Like I said, though, I'm rigid about it.

Maybe it's the really insecure people that demand the end of friendships, I don't know. I'm not insecure that way, I don't think. It's easy enough to figure out when someone is grazing greener pastures, though, and that's when I lose my mind. I'm territorial if I feel I have a right to be. I expect the same from a committed lover. If there's no territorial instinct it seems to me there just isn't much there.

I have a specific set of codes when it comes to territory, too, though. Obviously, for someone to be territorial there has to be a territory in the first place, so if you're not actually with someone, it just isn't your territory. Second, I only get mad at another woman if she's knowingly trying to poach. If the man lets her succeed, however, he's the one to face the wrath, not her. Sure, I'd never go after someone that belonged to someone else - I don't think it's right, and if he falls for it he's a scumbag I don't want to sleep with anyway. Still, the only two people who have any real obligation are the ones actually in the relationship. Anyone else is incidental, and if it wasn't that specific person, it would've been someone else. Cheaters cheat.

Men are different than I am when it comes to territory. They get pissed off at the woman, sure, because she's a cheating ho, but when it comes to violence it's the other man they go after. Of course, that's all about primitive evolution, isn't it? A man needs to be the alpha. They need to prove they still have the bigger member (whatever the reality might be), which translates inside their brains as a need to pummel the one who potentially out-sizes them.

Truthfully, most women I've talked to are very much like the men. If their man is cheating, it's the other woman they hate. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me, logically, and it doesn't seem to trigger any emotional sense either. Maybe I've just conditioned my brain to think about it in a new way. I know very well that it's possible to play those tricks on yourself. I did it with the types of food I eat, and telling myself what I like and don't like. I mean there really are a lot of healthy foods that I like better than crappy foods, but some I've talked myself into. I started associating grease with nausea back when I was a teenager, and let me tell you, Burger King is not my friend.

My point with that rant, I suppose, is that I'll be irritated if I lose a friend because the woman is insecure, but I didn't get that vibe from her with regard to me. She chatted with me easily, telling me about her mom having 7 ferrets and being crazy about them, which is always a safe topic with me. I'm certainly crazy about my two boys. She petted Stimpy gently, which will also win major points. When they left she thanked me and said it was nice to finally meet me. All in all, not bad.

I probably could have summed all this up in two sentences: I met my ex's girlfriend for the first time. It was surreal. THE END. Instead you were treated to this rambling monologue about relationships and cheating. Ah, well. It's all about the journey isn't it?