The Many Angles of Father's Day

As most of my readers know, I don't talk to my family, aside from my daughter. I actually have really good friendships with my two ex-husbands that are still among the living, though - one of whom has been my daughter's dad since just before her third birthday. It didn't matter to him that we had split up. He was still her dad. Her birth father was killed in a trucking accident, when she about four years old, but he hadn't been a part of her life for a couple of years by then, so he wasn't truly a father to her. It's kind of amazing to me the variety of relationships we can have with people, and the ways in which we become families

I'm glad my daughter ended up with a real dad, though. As much as we weren't compatible as a married couple, he's a really good guy. Years after our divorce, actually, he apologized to me about our marriage, saying that it was his fault. It wasn't even true - not from my perspective anyway. It wasn't necessary for him to say it, either. I wasn't angry with him in any way, and there was nothing to be forgiven. To be perfectly honest, I was a terrible wife to him. I kept trying to change him, and I learned years later that that's one of the worst things you can do to a person. I know, because it's been done to me since then. I was basically telling him I didn't love him the way he was. Looking back I know that was the truth. I loved him for who I wanted him to be, and that person didn't even exist. What a terrible thing to do to someone. Thank God I've learned a few things since then! We were never compatible as a couple, but we were very young when we met, and married in our early twenties. Back then I was still in the 'waiting for Prince Charming' mindset. I've long since outgrown that.

Whether or not my relationships worked out, he's still a good person, and he was (and is) a great father to my daughter, so I have something to be thankful for on Father's Day. I grew up without a proper father figure in my life, but that didn't matter to me so long as my daughter had someone decent in her life who she could call Dad.

I have many friends who have lost their fathers, too, and this will always be a difficult day for them. I'm friends with a brother and sister, actually, and knew their dad many years ago, and I know they go through a lot of pain whenever Father's Day comes up. Their dad was a pretty tough, strict guy, but he loved his kids and they knew it. Those are the best kinds of fathers. They're the ones that care enough to be tough on their kids, because they know how important it is for them to grow up the right way. I see their posts on Facebook, and what they remember about their dad is simply beautiful. They remember the love, and they know their dad was doing what was right for them.

There's a Garth Brooks song that comes to mind when I think about losing people in my life. "If Tomorrow Never Comes," makes me cry damn near every time I hear it, because I lost so many people in such a short span all those years ago, and it taught me that we can never take for granted the people that we love. This may seem strange coming from someone who doesn't speak to their family, but the truth is there's no love lost there for me. I've never felt real love coming from them, and never felt real love for them. The obligatory "I love you" at the end of a phone call was just that - an obligation.

This isn't about me and my myriad family issues, though. It's about fathers. There are some damn good ones out there, and then there are some exceptional ones. Particularly those who didn't have to be fathers, and weren't obliged to do so, but they chose to be a real dad. Step-fathers, like my ex, who took on the real role of a father. It was because of him that I was never truly a single parent, even when I was on my own. He shared custody with me, he covered his share of her expenses without any argument or complaint, and he was always there with a bear hug for her whether she needed it or not. So, here's hoping he has a great Father's Day, and here's hoping every other father out there who takes pride in raising their children is also having a great Father's Day. Then there are the mothers who have taken on both roles, and they deserve a tribute for that, too.

Happy Father's Day, everyone! You know who you are!!