If You're Going to Fight for Equality, Be Real!

Something happened to me today that I'm having a hard time getting over my anger about. I'm beyond livid. A man who supposedly fights for the equality of women was spreading hate messages about homosexuality. At first I thought he was standing up for homosexuality, and so I defended him against someone else, but when I realized (there's a slight language barrier as English is not his first language) he was actually promoting the message that homosexuality was evil, I was completely blown away.

First, if you're fighting for equality of anyone, it has to be inclusive. We'll take equality for women as an example since it's certainly appropriate in this case. You simply can't say, "Women are equal, except for lesbians," or, "Women are equal, except for Muslims." There's either equality or there's not. Period. End of sentence. The very definition of equality means that we have to include everyone, and place them on the same level as everyone else. Christians aren't better than Jews or Muslims, and neither are atheists.

Second, this was coming from a man who, if he were living in my country, would be marginalized and oppressed because he's not white. He doesn't live in my country, and I honestly don't have a clue what things are like in his country, so I can't say whether or not there's oppression based on race there. It seems to me, however, that he can't really understand what it means to be oppressed or marginalized, if he's willing to do it to a huge portion of the population.

Then again, speaking as someone who has been guilty of unknowingly oppressing people, I have to check in with myself there. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and just because I intend to be inclusive does not mean that I've been successful. The fact of the matter is, I'm white, straight and cisgender. The only thing that works against me in this world is the fact that I'm female. I have it pretty damn good where I'm sitting, comparatively speaking, so I don't have a realistic view on oppression. I keep going back to the article I read a few weeks ago that compared privilege with difficulty levels in gaming. If you're white, male, Christian (in North America anyway), heterosexual, cisgender and healthy, basically you're on the lowest difficulty setting when it comes to life. If you're a black, transgender, lesbian, Muslim woman who has to get around in a wheelchair, life isn't going to get much more difficult than that. Or, so I would imagine, since I haven't actually lived either of those lives.

Basically the problem is this: When we treat any human being as being less worthy than another human being, based on things over which they have no control, we are bigots. The only things people are capable of controlling, are the things that relate to their actions. We can't control our sexual orientation or gender-identity - if you think we can, then try it yourself and see how successful you are - I dare you to choose to be gay (assuming you're straight). We can't control the colour of our skin, or the religion we were born into. We can't control whether or not we're disabled, other than to try to prevent the disabling injuries that happen because of our own actions. We are human beings that naturally crave sex, and trying to tell people that they can be gay, but they shouldn't act on it goes beyond ridiculous, so I'm not even going there.

The end result of the very brief conversation I had with this person is that I told him I couldn't justify remaining friends with him if he was going to spread hate messages, and I sunk to the level of calling him a bigot. Probably not my finest moment, seeing as name-calling isn't going to get me anywhere, and I'm not going to make excuses about being provoked. I said what I said out of anger. Then I removed him from my friends list. I also ended up posting a warning status message on Facebook for anyone else who felt they couldn't stop themselves from spewing hatred. I have friends who are gay and bi-sexual. I have friends whose children are gay and bi-sexual. I will speak up when I see this kind of behaviour from people who are supposedly friends of mine. I'll speak up in my writing, whether it's here in this blog, or in the articles I write.

The most effective and helpful thing I know how to do when it comes to fighting for equality, is to write about it. Occasionally that means chastising myself for doing things wrong, however well-intentioned those actions might have been. My biggest enemy can be my temper, although it helps to give me courage to speak up when I'm so mad that I absolutely HAVE to say something. Otherwise I might chicken out in the face of confrontation. So, my temper is also my friend, as long as I keep it controlled. In this case I let it slip a bit. I'm not going to change anyone's way of thinking by being like that, though, and this means I've lost the opportunity to possibly change someone's mind. The more time passes, the more sad I am that I allowed myself to do that. It was self-indulgent and childish. If I keep beating myself up over it, though, hopefully I will do better the next time I'm faced with this sort of challenge.

Admittedly, there was no guarantee I could change the mind of anyone who believes so strongly that it's evil to be a homosexual. In fact, it's highly unlikely. If he were the type to have any sort of open mind about things, and was willing to learn anything, he would already know that his statements about there being no homosexuality in the animal kingdom were patently false. It happens all the time. One of my cats is gay, for crying out loud! He has no interest in females whatsoever, but used to go after another male I had all the time - and he's actually neutered!! No homosexuals in the animal kingdom my foot! It's only homophobia that's a distinctly human trait, which should tell us a great deal about which is natural and which isn't.

I'm still angry, both with him and with myself for letting my temper get the better of me. It hasn't been a good day, or even a good week, and I'm only making it worse by reacting the way I did. Maybe one day people will stop seeing other people as being less worthy, and I hope that it happens soon enough that I see it in my lifetime. I'm thankful that I live in a country where we've had equal marriage rights, federally, for the last 8 years. We haven't been smote by God, no giant sinkhole has opened up and swallowed my country, and our divorce rates haven't gone up for straight marriages. The only thing that's changed is that some of our citizens feel more welcome here, which can only be a good thing.

I'm so tired of the arguments of people who have no idea what they're talking about. If anything they were saying was true, my country would have been obliterated from the face of the earth. We'd all be living in some fiery pit, because God would be so angry with us, assuming there is a God. Canada has proven that equal marriage rights aren't going to destroy a country. It only makes us stronger and more united. It shows that we care about our fellow citizens enough to allow them the freedom to be themselves without persecution. It shows that we are truly a free country. People can whine about socialism and communism in Canada all they want to, but are we actually oppressed? I'm writing this blog, and saying whatever I want about my country (right now it's good stuff, but it isn't always). Nobody comes to my door to tell me what to do or say. No one cuts off my internet access unless I don't pay the bill or something.

The fact is, people here appreciate the fact that they can have a baby without ending up on the street because they had to sell their house to pay for an obstetrician. Our health care system isn't perfect by any stretch, but we don't usually allow people to die because they have no insurance either - simply because we all do. People in the United States appreciate the fact that their garbage is picked up, I would imagine. That's a socialist thing, whether they want to admit it or not. Any service provided to you by your government, that is paid for with the taxes you pay, is a socialist service. Complain all you like about that, but the United States is not strictly based on capitalism. It's a combined system of government, just as it is in Canada. It's simply a matter of degree.

I didn't intend to veer into that argument, but I'll let it stand because it does apply to what I was saying. Communism comes from the same root word as community. Look it up if you don't believe me. Community doesn't mean giving hand-outs to everyone. Community means everyone is treated the same. Well, it should mean that, anyway. It shouldn't matter who is male or female, gay or straight, Christian or atheist. We all have our beliefs, and need to be left alone to live them, so long as we're not causing suffering to others because of them. When we spew hate messages because of our beliefs, we're causing suffering. When we prevent the equality of others, and in fact oppress them, because of our beliefs, we're causing suffering.

I know I need to occasionally check my own moral compass, and also that I slip sometimes. I know I lack understanding and patience many times. I have to constantly be vigilant about my own flaws, reminding myself to think about what I'm saying and doing. I can't demand that everyone like homosexuality in society. I can't force them to think it's not a sin, because I would be contradicting my own beliefs, and violating my ethics. All I can do it ask people to respect that the lives of others are none of their business, and hope that they listen. I can ask people to stop hurting other people and to stop taking away their freedoms. They wouldn't like it if it was being done to them, and they shouldn't be doing it to others. It never hurts to ask. Maybe, just maybe, someone will decide to listen.