I'm in a pretty kick-ass mood today. I just need a pair of sh*t-kickers (cowboy boots if you don't know what I'm talking about) and I'm ready to ride! I feel good for the first time in a while. I've been getting a few things accomplished lately that are pulling my life together. I finally wrote off that doctor whose office was so disorganized and got re-registered with the referral service so I can get another family doctor. They work fast, so hopefully I'll be in for my first hip surgery before I can blink. I actually have something I want to do before I have the first one, but I'll get back to that.
We finally have hot water in the damn kitchen again, because the plumber/superintendent fixed it when he was here to look at a leak reported by the people downstairs. It was just a washer that shifted inside the valve. Now, though, our toilet isn't getting any water, but I actually reported the issue this time, rather than waiting months to do anything about it. He was here earlier, but my daughter was actually using the shower then, so he said he'd come back tonight. We've been having to flush the damn thing with a bucket of water, and I always end up spilling water all over the floor. I do the same thing when I changed the water in the pets' bowls every day. I can't pour water without spilling it everywhere. I don't think it's actually me being all that clumsy. It's more my total lack of patience.
Considering how little patience I generally have, though, it's kind of surprising I haven't been able to accomplish much with my personal life until very recently. I was actually trying to be patient while I waited for the doctor's office to sort out their stuff. Now I'm fed up. I live every damn day in a great deal of pain, and I have a life to get moving on, so I finally said enough was enough yesterday. Things are going to happen fast now, or they're going to have a whole lot of explaining to do.
I was listening to music today, drinking a big-ass cup of coffee, doing a bit of cleaning, and dancing a little (yes, despite the fact that I'm probably not supposed to - screw it - what difference will a little more damage make). Once I get the surgery I'm looking at anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months of recovery time, just for one hip. They can't do both at the same time, or I'll probably be in some sort of torso cast and stuck in the hospital. Life will be difficult enough just doing one at a time with me probably being on crutches, especially since I live on the third floor of an apartment building that has no elevator. Yeehaw.
Now, before I end up on those crutches, and at the mercy of my daughter's whims (I'm just kidding - she's been great), there's something I want to do that involves dancing - and the cooperation of another individual - which means I'm either going to have to take a quick trip, or nag the other individual into doing so. We've got plans, and I aim to see that they happen before I go under the knife. I'm kind of stuck with the life I have right now for a little bit longer, but I'm working on it. I've been patient long enough, I think, and I'm ready to get a move on.
For the last couple of months things have been really difficult for me, because I've been grieving a lot still. Many people will have a hard time understanding why I would grieve so much over a ferret, but if they've ever had that kind of connection with an animal they'll know what I went through. What I'm still going through, to be honest. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss Stimpy. The little bug was my heart and soul for the five years I had him, and I'd give anything to have him back with me. I've been moping around here, having a hard time giving a damn about anything really, so I haven't accomplished much when it comes to dealing with the issues in my life. It was all just too much for me. I'm still grieving and it still hurts, but I feel like I'm ready to start moving forward again. Considering the fact that Stimpy was the least selfish creature I've ever come across, I'm sure he wouldn't mind.
I've got back taxes to get done, and since the government owes me a lot of money I'll be able to buy myself a car as soon as those are processed. Maybe by then I'll be recovered from my first surgery enough that I'll know if I can buy another standard. I really don't want to buy an automatic. I'm not able to use a clutch pedal at the moment, though, so I had to get rid of my other car. I suppose I could buy an automatic and give it to my daughter as soon as I can go back to a standard. Maybe it'll inspire her to get her bloody licence finally. If there's one thing I know, it's that a licence is a necessity if a person wants to have their independence.
If I want to get anything done, money always helps, so I have to find the spreadsheet I need so that I can fill out the stupid tax forms - so that's the first task on tonight's list. I can only hope it doesn't take them as long to process them as it took me to do them. I'm looking forward to having a bit of financial freedom again. Not to mention vehicular freedom. It'll be awesome to have a car again. Maybe I'll go with a convertible this time. That might just be the summer air talking, though. In the winter I may be singing a different tune. I know I'm getting another BMW, however. The one I want isn't expensive, because it's an older one, but they're still very reliable and they're really fast, too. I miss my car. It was a '96 318 iS. This time I'm going with a '98, I think, but I still want a 3-series. I'm thinking a 328 would be good. It's got the bigger engine, so it'll be even faster than the one I used to have.
Life is about to get pretty interesting, I think. I'm starting to feel alive again, and it's time to go all out and go after the things I want. I've got the second half of my life to live, and I'm not going to spend all the rest of it sitting in a damn chair. Sure, I'm a writer, so a part of my life will always be in front of a computer, but if I want to write well I need to have the experiences behind the writing. There are so many things I want to do. I need my SCUBA certificate, for one thing. There are a lot of places I want to go diving. I also have to finish writing my book. I've been getting bogged down in writing that isn't the kind of writing I ever planned to be doing. I need to get back to fiction. I'll do my part to make the world a better place, but I'll decide where and how I do that. I'm not going to allow myself to write nothing but depressing pieces that don't help anybody with anything. I want to see the good in the world, and then I want to show it to other people. Nothing gets better in this world when all we see are bad things.
That's something I've learned about activism over the past few months. I've seen so many horrible things. Some of those things happened to other people, and some of those things happened to me. Still, my own life isn't defined by just my horrible experiences. I did my time figuring out my issues, and then I moved ahead with my life. We have that option. Too many times we define people by the worst thing that has happened to them, rather than the sum of their life. I'm a survivor of multiple bad things, but I'm also a survivor of many, many good things, so why would I want to be labeled as a survivor of anything in particular? For that matter, does anyone else really want to be known for only the bad things in their life? I'd like to be known for the things I accomplished, not the things I got over. Besides, if you can show someone an alternative, it's a hell of a lot easier to convince them that the bad doesn't have to keep happening.
Well, if I want to have that life, I'm going to have to get started on it, and that starts tonight. Technically I started before tonight, but I've got a firmer foothold on starting tonight because I've already made progress. It feels good to have that foothold, finally. I've been in limbo for far too long, waiting for something to happen, when basically all it boiled down to was a decision not to wait anymore. So, here I go, world! Ride 'em cowgirl!