Maybe I've been spoiled with my writing, but I've never had any really bad comments on any of my articles. I've had people disagree, certainly, but they've always been rather polite about the whole thing. One would think that after more than 41,000 page views on one site, a few thousand on this blog, and however many on another site I started writing for, that I would have garnered at least a little bit of nasty criticism. I'm not a moderate in my beliefs by any means. I'm outspoken and opinionated. I try to be fair, and I try to consider other viewpoints, but I'm certainly not shy about expressing myself.
Because I'm a writer for one online magazine, +Feminspire, I'm part of a Facebook group meant for just staff. I go on there and see other writers chastise themselves for reading the comments on their own articles. The self-admonishment surprises me, because it's not an issue I've had to face yet. They keep telling themselves, "Never read the comments." I guess it's because people are leaving remarks that upset them. Of course, I have a fairly thick skin, so comments that might bother some people don't really have much of an impact on me. For one thing, you're always going to run into people that just like to be mean for no reason, and those people don't really deserve the time and effort spent on getting upset. For another, I don't really care what anyone thinks about me, except the people I'm close to. If I'm close to someone, it won't be some jerk who just likes to hurt people's feelings.
The trolls are out there, I know, but they're not finding me. Even if they did it wouldn't particularly bother me. I know I do my research when I write a piece. I make certain my facts are verifiable, and I cite my sources, particularly for anything that's inflammatory. Sort of a pre-emptive strike if you will. Most people won't argue something if you've already gone to the trouble of providing documentation. They're simply too lazy to look up their own sources for a rebuttal. That's not always the case, but it certainly is most of the time.
Luckily, when I started getting serious about my writing, I started out on a site that was very supportive of writers. +SearchWarp has been a boon to many fledgling authors, myself included, giving writers the confidence they need to keep honing their craft. I will be forever grateful to the encouragement I receive on this site. I still write at least one piece per week there, usually two, but I've been rather swamped lately. I've received a great deal of support from the other writers that contribute to SearchWarp, and have made quite a few friends, too. In fact, my being the producer of The Kovacs Perspective, hosted by +Steve Kovacs, is a direct result of writing on SearchWarp.
I got so used to reading comments and responding to them, that I would have a hard time ignoring them now. It would feel like I was being impolite by not bothering to respond, despite the fact that most writers on e-zine sites do not respond. To me it just feels a bit like a thank-you note for someone taking the time to read my work. They read it, appreciated it enough to leave a comment on it, whether it's positive or negative, and I feel obliged to engage with those readers. Maybe a day will come when there are too many comments for me to respond to, and I will have to wean myself away from the habit, but for now I enjoy the interaction.
I've only had one person get really insulting toward me on my own work, but even then he wasn't commenting directly at me. He was leaving a comment on someone else's comment about me. Kind of like talking behind my back loudly enough to make sure I could hear everything he was saying, because he wasn't courageous enough to say it to my face. I simply responded that no one was forcing him to read my work, and that where I'm from we have a saying that if you can't saying something nice, don't say anything at all. He never commented on my work after that. Granted, we have had a couple of civil discussions since then, so all's well that ends well. Not that I find myself agreeing with him about very much, but at least he's no longer calling me a narcissist. The term is 'egocentric' dude! There's a difference.
Every experience is a potential for learning, Rain. We, as writers, need to engage the opportunity rather than fear it.
ReplyDeleteI once had another writer respond to one of my articles with mild ridicule that was supported by boasting of the writer's personal experience and possessions.
It ended with a blatant personal insult toward me.
I responded with acknowledgement of the positives within the other writer's words. I empathized and supported the empathy with my personal examples. In addition, I complimented the some of the strong points being boasted of. I opted to withhold comment on the insult until the return volley came back. There was no return but the insult was edited off of the other initial comment by the other writer.
I felt good about choosing not let the writer anger me and modifying behavior such that, what was a somewhat scathing comment, became fairly positive in context with my response and the other writer's subsequent editing.
In my opinion, if one can't, at least, attempt to glean some value off of comments on their work then they're probably not as effective as they could be.
I know well of the experience that you speak of in your last paragraph. You handled it superbly!
Great article, Rain!
Thanks for the compliment, Marlin. The fact is, we can't please all of the people all of the time. To make the attempt is a recipe for insanity. We can try to take away what might be constructive in the criticism, but when people just pop on to insult you, the only things that can be taken away are hurt feelings, and that's only if you allow them that power.
Deletethanks for sharing such useful post ..
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gran. As writers we always have to keep in mind that not everyone is going to be nice to us, but it doesn't have to be devastating, either. In order for someone to hurt us, we have to value their opinion.
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