From Political Parties to Pitcairn - Fascinating!

The world is an unbelievable place, I have to say! The fact that my brain is one of those weird ones that leaps nimbly from topic to topic, however, is what makes me able to see this inherent truth almost constantly. This morning it occurred to me, not for the first time, that I don't have as good of a grasp of the intricacies of the political party system as I would like, so I began to do some research on it. One thing led to another and there I was, researching Pitcairn Islands.

Ah, but how did I make such a bizarre leap? Good question. I'll walk you through it, as the journey is always more fun than just a straight answer. Well, it is for me anyway, and I'm holding you hostage.

My first question of the day was this: What the hell is all this stuff about being a "Registered Democrat" or a "Registered Republican"? Forgive me. I'm Canadian. We just vote for whoever the hell we want to vote for whenever an election comes up. Occasionally that will be a Liberal party candidate, and occasionally that will be for a Conservative candidate. Less occasionally people vote for a New Democrat candidate. We have three main parties. Conservative and Liberal are the two majors, with NDP generally trailing behind.

Well, it wasn't long before my question was answered regarding party affiliation in the U. S., and I have to say it sounds like an idiotic thing to do. Then again, I don't think the political structure in Canada is much better. Here's how I've interpreted the information I was able to dig up, and if I've misinterpreted feel free to correct my misconceptions. (Most of my readers are American, so I'm sure someone will be able to fill in the gaps for me.)

In all states you may register as a republican or a democrat. In most states you have the third option of registering as an independent. In some states registration with a political party occurs along with obtaining your driver's licence (or license as it's spelled down there). I'm not sure why a DL has anything to do with politics, but red tape evolves in mysterious ways. Maybe one day I'll research that, too.

In the primaries, which from my understanding is how the presidential candidates are picked, you are allowed to vote on only your party's options for presidential candidate. In the general elections, when it comes time to actually choose a president (Pick-a-POTUS Day?) you're allowed to vote for whichever candidate you want, regardless of political party affiliation.

From my understanding the ballots are more than a little confusing, too, and that had a lot to do with the debacle in Florida about 13 years ago. I guess, depending on the state, there are a whole slew of issues that get voted on all at once, from dog catcher to sheriff to president. (Dog catcher? Seriously? I hope that's just an old expression or joke!) Apparently there are also issues on the ballots, such as gay marriage, and the issues are also determined by which state you live in.

This voting format supposedly saves a lot of money, but if it leads to the kind of confusion seen in Florida in 2000, I'm not sure how much money that really is. It probably cost them a fortune to investigate all that and get it straightened out, along with going through the legal system to determine whether or not the votes would even be counted. I know a couple of people in Florida, so we'll see if they weigh in on that one to give us a better idea what the hell I'm talking about, because I really don't know.

At least now I understand what people are talking about when they use the term bi-partisan. Bi meaning two, and partisan meaning, well, partisan. I'm a little shocked that they only end up with two people to pick from! I suppose they have an independent candidate in there somewhere, but I never hear about them. We have three main parties, so we'd probably be labeled tri-partisan, except I don't think the system is really comparable. Much to my surprise I've discovered that we actually have nineteen registered political parties in Canada. If you're interested in knowing what they are, there's a list here. This is the official government list.

Yes, we really do have a Marijuana Party. Just in case you wondered about us... Probably explains a few things.

Doing further research I've discovered that the U. S. has five major political parties. The other three are Libertarian, Green and Constitution. However, there are an additional 29 minor parties (given here), not including any regional ones or independents. So, what I don't understand is, how the hell are the republicans and democrats getting all the registrations? Nobody seems happy with either of them. I'm still confused about the whole 'liberal' and 'conservative' thing down there, because previous research I've done tells me that those things switched parties a long time ago. I know for a fact I don't fall into either category there, although I'm sure some would label me a 'bleeding-heart liberal'. In many ways I am, but there are areas where I'm decidedly not a liberal.

In Canada I believe we're allowed to register a political affiliation, but most of the population doesn't bother. Canadians are commitment-phobic I guess, but who could blame us? Who wants to be tied down to a political party? Getting married is bad enough when it involves a person you actually love. Nobody loves politicians.

Apparently only about 10,000 or 20,000 people in Canada have registered with any party. Before I get any smart-ass remarks about that being the total population of Canada, let me snidely inform you that Canada is the 35th most populous nation in the world, thank you very much! Yes, the United States is third on the list. Three cheers for Americans. You're all tremendously accomplished at the art of procreation, despite how uptight y'all seem to be down there. Congratulations on the incongruity. Canadians are apparently known for being perverts in comparison. The following people must be Canadians:

Anyhoo... This is where I was led down a totally different pathway when it came to my morning's research. No, not the pathway of sexual congress, although that's always an entertaining one. I was actually looking up world population statistics to see where Canada fit in the grand scheme of things, because I knew my remark about the 10,000 or 20,000 people was going to provoke the aforementioned smart-ass remarks. In fact, it would be one of my Florida friends (also aforementioned) who would be most likely to comment on our lack of numbers up here, seeing as he has done so before. My friends love to tease me about being Canadian.

The list of populations of countries in the world that is given on Wikipedia includes 242 countries. Now, there are a few more (something like 297), but there are varying definitions regarding what constitutes an actual country. The 242 listed I would have to assume are undisputed in their definition. Can you imagine living in one of those places that isn't really sure what the hell it is? Talk about a lack of self-identity!

Just for the fun of it, I scrolled down to see which country had the smallest population, and how small it really was. I was under the impression that to be a country there would have to have at least enough people to justify a restaurant, but I was wrong. It turns out that Pitcairn Islands is the smallest country in the world, with only 48 people. Sure, they could have a restaurant, but with only 35 people of working age (there are 7 school-age children there, so I assume the other 6 people who don't work are retired) a decent percentage of the population would be needed as employees, and the rest of the town would have to be sitting down to supper.

Now, if you don't know anything about Pitcairn Islands and the history, which I did not, it does actually play a major role in history having to do with the Bounty mutineers. Yes, "Mutiny on the Bounty" is what I'm referring to. Most of the inhabitants are descendants of the mutineers, and the most common last names on the island illustrate that - Christian, Warren, Young and Brown, to be specific. To be honest, I didn't know a damn thing about that part of history, other than having heard the title of the book and films before.

[Note - In case you're wondering why I'm calling it Pitcairn Islands (plural rather than singular) it's because the country consists of more than one island, and that's its official name. Pitcairn is the island that is populated, however. The other islands weren't able to sustain life, I guess. They did at one time, and there was trade between the islands, but the natural resources were used up.]

The actual mutineers were apparently all brought to justice, or died before they could be, but since it took years to travel around in those days they had plenty of time before their arrest to establish families. I guess they must have been fairly prolific, seeing as they created enough offspring to sustain the island of Pitcairn up until today. Busy little buggers!

And we're back to sex... Oh well. Seeing as it's our number one biological imperative, it's not that surprising all roads lead in that direction. Particularly the lanes of a vibrator race!