Mental Vacation or Just Being Mental

The last few weeks have been pretty rough, so I've taken a bit of time to decompress. I was going to write a blog post yesterday, or the day before, but it was boring me to write it so I figured it would be boring for everyone to read. Instead I waited until my head was in the game a bit more.

In case you're wondering what's been going on, there have been some issues for me to deal with lately. I'm still grieving over my ferret, and my daughter lost her job a little while ago. It was a stress that we didn't need, coming right after Stimpy's death. I was a bit frantic the last few days, coming up with guests for the show, too. We're okay with that now, so I feel a bit better about life in general. I still have to deal with my grief, and the new financial stress, but one less thing to worry about can make all the difference.

Aside from not writing my blog postings every day like I normally do, I haven't been doing much writing of any other kind either. I did my weekly piece for +Feminspire  so I'm just barely keeping up with my obligation there. I have other writing I should be doing. I'm behind by about three pieces for +SearchWarp  - one of which is actually for The Kovacs Perspective, so I really need to get my butt in gear there, too.

I think at this point I could call what I'm feeling depression. It's that blah feeling where I don't feel a whole lot of anything. I'm not particularly sad or angry, and I should probably be working on it. However, I'm very self-aware so I can see when I've gone too far and when I have to push myself. Today I'm not pushing, but by tomorrow I will be. Now that I've dealt with the issue of guests for the show, and I'm writing this blog posting, I'm in more of a pattern of getting things done. There will be less on my mind that I haven't done yet, and less stress means I'm more inclined to do things. Then there's the inertia factor; if I'm already doing things I'm more likely to keep doing them.

Pepper, our other ferret, has been depressed, too. We've been playing with him as much as possible to keep his spirits up, because he's been sleeping more than I would like. I mean, ferrets sleep a lot anyway, but he was getting to the point where he was only bothering to get up for a couple of hours a day. I'm sure he misses Stimpy quite a bit, and he needs a new friend. We can't afford to go to the shelter to get another ferret right now, however, and even if we had the spare cash I'd want to be certain we could afford the potential vet bills. It's irresponsible to have pets if you can't give them proper vet care, and I care about animals too much to do that to them. Soon, though...

In the meantime, playing with Pepper has the added benefit of keeping us laughing. That's the amazing thing about ferrets. I could be bawling my head off and one little antic from Pepper would be enough to turn that into laughter. Of course, that's part of the reason I was so devastated at losing Stimpy. I had that connection with him for five years, where he could make me laugh just by sleeping in a weird position (which he did frequently). He kept me sane through what should have been the worst time of my life.

So, now that I appear to have stopped moping around so much, I guess it's time to get a move-on when it comes to business again. My daughter is going to be doing some new t-shirt graphics for me. I've got some ideas for funny slogans that have been sitting in list-form on my computer for years that I've never bothered to have made up. Now I really need to get on it. I also have to finish up the two websites I'm working on and upload them to new domains. Once that's done I'll be able to offer new services to writers, and +Steve Kovacs will be able to do the new show we've been talking about for months now.

In case you're curious about the new business, I'm going to offer editing services, review services and also audio book recording. Steve Kovacs will be doing WebTV interviews with authors for a fee to help them promote their new books. Since he already has a good audience, it's a really good deal for new authors who are trying to get their books seen by the general public. These interviews will be broadcast through a wide range of viewing sources, and we'll be promoting the heck out of them.

When it comes to my end of things, I have to tell you I've been seeing far too many books out there with spelling and grammatical errors. Especially when it comes to the ones that are being self-published. Even the books coming out of 'real' publishing houses, and that are written by well-known authors, have far too many mistakes in them. I don't know how the editors and proof-readers are letting the mistakes get by them so often. When it comes to people who are trying to market their books to agents and editors, I can help there, too. Having your work properly edited and formatted can make all the difference in whether or not agents and publishers are even willing to give your book a second glance.

As soon as the websites are up, I'll let everyone know so they can see for themselves. I've been pricing out what other companies charge for their services, some of which shocked me a great deal, so we're going to be extremely competitive to say the least. If there's anyone you want going over your manuscript for errors, it's someone who's as picky as I am. Yes, I make mistakes, particularly in my own writing, and particularly when it comes to something as informal as a blog posting, but I notice errors in other people's writing very easily. That's one of the main reasons they tell you to have someone else edit your work. Most people can't see their own errors. We've written the words, and fool ourselves into believing that the words are on the page the same way they were in our heads. We also tend to get bored with proof-reading our own work, so we gloss over it far too quickly.

On another topic, I still have to deal with getting my surgeries done, but with everything that's been going on during the last few weeks I haven't put any effort into it. The doctor's office where I was supposed to have an initial meet & greet with the doctor, well, they lost my paperwork. I faxed it over and they couldn't find it. Yes, they originally told me they had it, but that I had to call back when the doctor was no longer on vacation. A few days later I called and by then the paperwork was missing and they had a new receptionist.

Sadly, you can't afford to be too picky in this city about your family doctor. There aren't enough of them, and it takes forever to find a new one. Thankfully family doctors do very little in the way of practicing actual medicine, since they mostly refer their patients to specialists for that, so I'm not all that concerned. I need to re-scan the referral paperwork and e-mail it to the new receptionist now, so that I can get in to see the doctor for my first visit. Hopefully everything works out so he can refer me to the orthopaedic surgeon I have to go to. First, though, all of my test results have to be sent to my new doctor. He isn't going to refer me without them.

If you haven't read my old blogs to know what the heck I'm blathering about, I need surgery on both of my hip joints. I can walk, but I'm not supposed to. I have a hell of a limp sometimes, which I disguise as much as possible when I'm out in public, because it's not safe to look weak or vulnerable where I live. The injuries are a result of improper training when I was a competitive figure skater. They stuck 10-pound ankle weights on each of my ankles (20 pounds in total), which causes what is known as the pendulum effect. It's a huge stress on the joints, and this was done when I was really young (the last time I skated competitively I was still only twelve years old). Now I have tearing inside the joints, and the joint itself is misshapen. I'm not looking forward to the surgeries, but it has to be done if I want any semblance of a normal life.

At the moment I'm on disability, because I can only work for short bursts of time, and believe me when I say it's not something anyone wants to be on. I worked my butt off my whole life before my body finally broke down on me, and I went through my entire savings and investments within a couple of years - which is better than most people can say about their money-handling abilities, thank you! I still have my retirement funds, so I'm able to stop working entirely at fifty-five if I want to. In the meantime, I hate not being able to work full-out. I like working. I enjoy owning a business and everything that comes with it. I've missed it.

I hate not being able to concentrate because I'm either on narcotics or I'm in too much pain to do anything but curl up in a ball. Yes, I know what real pain is. I've given birth, and I can tell you flat-out that it was nothing compared to what I sometimes go through on a daily basis. In case you haven't been following the news, Lady Gaga had to cancel her tour for exactly the same thing that's wrong with me. She only has one messed up hip if I'm not mistaken, and all the money in the world to get her surgery done. I believe she's already had the surgery (it was actually done as emergency surgery from what I read, so that should tell you how painful it can be), but she bought a wheelchair and can't tour. I'm not exactly a big fan of hers, but I feel bad for her because I know the pain she felt. I just wish I had her money so that I didn't have to wait for years to go through healthcare crap.

Okay, for those of you who have been waiting to hear from me you got your wish. As they say, be careful what you wish for...because you end up having a giant blog to read where I do nothing but whine about my life. Yes, it kinda sucks right now. I'm not particularly cheerful at the moment, and I won't pretend to be. This is reality, baby! Or my version of it anyway. Yet, I still keep going. If you take anything away from my blog I hope it's that. No matter what happens in my life I don't give up. I can't. I was a quitter with all the bad stuff in my life, like smoking and illegal drugs (quite a number of years ago), but I'm not a quitter when it comes to life. We don't all get to fulfill our dreams the moment that we have them. Sometimes we fall on our way to reaching the brass ring. Sometimes bad crap happens to us. It's the people who keep trying and trying, though, that finally attain their goals. That will be me. Nothing comes easy in my life, but I'm damned appreciative of it when it shows up!