A Painful Lesson in Oppression

I was called out for making racist remarks the other day. No, I don't believe I was actually doing anything of the sort. I'm not going to get into the details of it, because it was a private conversation, and I believe there was simply a misunderstanding regarding my meaning (not to mention my intent). The fact of the matter is, I do not believe any human being is worth less than any other human being based on skin colour, gender, or sexual orientation. Truthfully, I've spent my whole life overcompensating for the behaviour of those who do. I will sometimes enter into a conversation to ask questions and to understand why something is considered oppression, because I really don't know, and for the simple reason that I would never want to be hurtful in such a fashion. I can't stop making a mistake if I don't know I'm making one.

As a writer I know how easily words can be misinterpreted, so I didn't bother arguing with the person about any of it. I simply said that I was only saying I had been wrong about something, and this was the reason why. Beyond that there wasn't any point. If the person had made their mind up about me, there wouldn't be anything I could say anyway. I've actually kicked people out of my house for making derogatory racial slurs, though. I don't let remarks pass that I know are oppressive. Being Caucasian means that I could be a bystander if I wanted to be, but I refuse to take the easy road, which was why I entered into that conversation in the first place. I wanted to understand as much as possible.

It never really occurred to me until that moment, however, that I would ever be considered 'The Oppressor" by anyone. It freaked me out more than a little bit, and I actually had a very hard time sleeping because of it. The conversation just kept coming back on me. I don't want to be the oppressor of anyone. Even fighting for equal rights for women, I don't want to oppress any men in that fight. I would actually like to free men from the struggles they face that are caused by a patriarchal system.

Still, I am part of an oppressive system, and have been responsible for questionable things without realizing that I was. My guilt (that I'm aware of) lies in cultural appropriation, despite an intent of respectfulness. You see, I love belly dancing, and all the things that go with that. I don't intend to stop belly dancing, either, and will start back up with it once I'm physically capable of doing so. However, I will restrict myself regarding anything that is of religious significance insomuch as I am aware of doing so. I belly dance in the privacy of my own home - I don't compete, and I don't even go out to take classes in it, although I might eventually do both of those one day. We'll see how things go once I've had both of my surgeries and I can do the more 'extensive' moves again.

This conversation did make me appreciate, however, the feelings of men who are constantly being attacked just for being male. I mean, if I'm assumed to be a racist by someone just because I'm white, it stands to reason that men are assumed to be chauvinistic/sexist just because they're male. Those assumptions aren't always right, obviously. They're generalizations that really shouldn't be happening, but I understand them. I'm kind of stuck in the middle, actually, because I'm seen as both oppressor and oppressed. Yes, I have unfair advantages in this world because I'm white, but I also have unfair disadvantages because I'm female.

It's like a total slap in the face, though, to be called something derogatory like that, and it's frustrating. All I want is to understand, and I wish people assumed the best of me, and yet I can't really blame them for not feeling that way. After a lifetime of being attacked for your skin colour, sexual orientation or gender, it becomes second-nature to be defensive about it. I've done the same with men and had to backpedal furiously when I realized what a jerk I was being. I try very hard to be as unbiased as possible when having conversations with people who aren't on an identical playing field, whether it's someone more oppressed than myself, or someone who is less oppressed. I don't always succeed, but I try, and I also try to learn.

Self-knowledge is the key, I think. You have to be willing to think objectively about your actions and admit to failure. I obviously failed to communicate my meaning clearly, which is a pretty sad thing for any writer to have to admit, but it does happen. All writers are improving all the time, and the more we practice the better we get (assuming we actually care about our craft). We don't start out being able to craft a perfectly-worded sentence or paragraph. In fact, I don't know if any of us ever actually achieves that. It doesn't matter what we write, or how we write it; someone is bound to come along who can do it better. The important thing is to strive for it constantly, and frankly that's what's important with respect to eliminating oppression. We have to do everything in our power not to be the oppressors. Other people can't change our behaviour, but we can, and it's important that we do.