Miscronstrued Miscommunication Misunderstood

The kiss of death is not as deadly as many men may fear. What is the kiss of death you may ask? Not surprising you might ask, since my mind is often an awkwardly pondered thing. You might be thinking one thing, while I am thinking something entirely different. However, this is a common-knowledge type of thing. The kiss of death is, according to most people, when a woman says nice things to a man. Things like telling him he's a nice guy, or she admires and respects him.

Well, the assumption may be true for the immature among us. Teeny-bopper girls who drool over Justin Dweeber don't respect what nice really means. They haven't lived a life having the crap kicked out of their hearts by some a$$hole who's more interest in every other woman than he is in the woman he's got. They've likely never had a guy beat them up physically, or steal every cent they have, or destroy their furniture while they're being supported financially by the girl in question. After a few of those bad boys, nice starts looking a hell of a lot, well, nicer.

Still, the bad boy habit is hard to break, and even after acceptance and realization kick in it often takes a few more trips down the idiot-road before true understanding and desire fall in line. It takes a bit to retrain our hormones. It also take a while for us to realize that nice is not the equivalent of weak. It takes meeting a strong man, sometimes. One who is genuinely nice, but isn't about to get stepped on either.

When an immature person says they respect someone, they're saying it without understanding the meaning of the word. Respect encompasses a feeling where you, in effect, honour someone for who they are. You're giving them emotional props so to speak. Real respect is never something you feel for someone you look down on for weakness. Respect means looking up to someone, and hopefully they look up to you, too.

Admiration is a feeling similar to respect, although it tends to have something to do with a person's accomplishments, and is very closely related to awe in some instances. Not quite idolization, though. Idolatry is for children who do not yet have any self-confidence.

Young women talk about chemistry with respect to a man being 'too nice' and how they're just not attracted to men who are nice. Well, is there anything wrong with a man who pulls you in for that really long, thorough kiss because he's just crazy about you? A man who cares enough about you, and what you like, that he gives those things to you?  Tell me that's not one of the most attractive things a man can do. Tell me there's no chemistry there when someone takes the time to really figure you out, accept you for who you are, and give you what you need. Chemistry gets lost in the translation when sex comes from someone who doesn't give a damn about your needs.

Nice just feels really nice. It's like the difference between contentment and happiness. Happiness is a giddy feeling that leaves us off-balance, and sure it feels wonderful while it's happening, but then you know you're going to pay for it later. Human beings can't sustain prolonged extremes of emotion. There will eventually be a low point, and the higher the high point, the lower that low point will be. Sometimes it's worth it, just to feel that good, but oftentimes it's not. Especially if the person causing such extremes of happiness is not yourself, they happen to be a jerk, and you have no control over the situation except to hightail your ass out of there.

No, real women, strong women with self-confidence, the ones who are not looking for validation from anywhere but within, are very much interested in men they respect and admire. Nice men, men that they genuinely like, and believe me, those men are few and far between. On the rare occasions that they're found, they need to be lassoed in and treated like the wonderful human beings they really are.

Nice is not a death knell. Admirable is not some stodgy old creaker who might have been handsome eighty years ago. Respect-worthy is not someone you pat on the head and say, "Good boy" to. Liking someone isn't about sloughing them off on your least favourite friend. Instead those traits add up to an amazing person that has interesting stories to tell, strength beyond measure, and a life example worth following and being a part of. Never mind the fact that by the time you're mature enough to be worthy of that kind of partner, the chemistry is likely to sneak up on you and bash you over the head with a hammer. At 41 I know what head-bashing chemistry is. Age doesn't have a lot to do with it.

So, you little girls out there, the ones who don't fully appreciate the kind of man I describe, keep your mitts off the good ones until you deserve them and can fully appreciate their worth. Otherwise you might turn them into the bad boys you so desire, crushing the hopes of real women everywhere. Nice men can turn bitter and angry like everyone else, but why the hell would anyone want them to?