Pepper the Poofer Strikes Again - Not Conducive to Writing Erotic Scenes

I have to say, the erotic nose brain, otherwise known as the amygdala, has never made a reference between brimstone and hot sex. Possibly why Hell is considered Hell? The stench of sulfur from my intact ferret is right now closer to making me gag than it is to being any kind of inducement to bestiality. I don't know how female ferrets can stand it!

Why am I making the comparison? Well, I was working on my novel, the operative word being 'was', and this part is supposed to evolve into an erotic encounter of some sort between the heroine and a cop who is investigating her best friend's murder. Pepper was sleeping on my lap, curled into a tight little fur-donut, his nose tucked into his own butt. Apparently he's immune to his own poofs, because he continued blissfully in his own little dream world while I was trying not to choke.

The stench from an unneutered male ferret's poof is unmatched by anything I've encountered in my home to date. There have been times I've had to leave my own bedroom to avoid the involuntary rejection of whatever food I've ingested that day.

Maybe you don't know what a poof is? Well, I can explain. Think skunk. They're related to ferrets, as are otter, mink, meerkats, ermine, polecats (the European animal, not what they call a polecat in North America, which is actually a skunk), etc. Ferrets have anal scent glands like a skunk does, and they can spray. The odor is not as potent as that of a skunk, but in an intact ferret it's plenty aromatic. Rotten egg, sulfur, whatever you want to call it, it's foul. The biblical term for sulfur being brimstone, I can see why no one wants to go to Hell, assuming there is one.

Pepper has since woken up (possibly from his own stench finally) and vacated my lap, so the smell is dispersing. I can only hope it isn't lingering in my clothes, but it's hard to tell since it's still lingering in the room. It's a good thing I don't get visitors. I can only hope my neighbours in the building don't complain. Yes, it really is that raunchy.

Of course, it's a good bet no one would know what's causing the smell. Ferrets are the third most common pet in North America, but the numbers are skewed by the fact that the average ferret 'owner' has seven ferrets. (I have two, so I'm still considered mostly sane by non-ferret people, but am looked on with pity by ferret people.) Most people don't have regular contact with ferrets the way they do with cats and dogs, so there's a lot they don't know about them.

Also, most ferrets in North America come from breeding mills like Marshall Farms, where they neuter and descent them far too early so they can get them sent out to pet stores. Don't get me started on Marshall, because I'll be here all day bitching about their practices. Maybe one day I'll do a rant about them, but until then I'll try to stay on-topic.

There I was a few minutes ago, however, trying to work on my book, a nice little fantasy of an erotic scene cooking in my brain, when I was struck by ferret-induced writer's block. I take my responsibilities as a ferret-parent seriously, though, and let him continue sleeping until he woke up on his own to launch himself off my lap in order to accommodate a sudden itch.

Anyone who has ferrets will understand that phenomenon. Not just the tolerance of their ferrets, but sudden-itch syndrome. Ferrets can go from sleep to 100-mph scratching in a heartbeat. I have to be observant with quick reflexes to prevent them from flying to the floor from my lap, (so I can catch them in time and set them on the floor in a safe manner). This is a behaviour practiced by every ferret I've ever heard of. They're itchy a lot, and the sudden itch is like the attack of an itch-monster that needs killing with claws and teeth.

Pepper has been gone from my lap for a while now, and either the room has mostly cleared from the smell, or I've just grown disgustingly accustomed to it and no longer notice it. So, I guess it's time to get back to the book. "My ferret stinks," is not an excuse not to get some work done. Thank goodness most of the smell from poofing disappears once a ferret is neutered, or I'd be seriously considered descenting - something I've always considered unnecessary. Time to get that boy to the vet! Poor little guy. Hope he doesn't miss his balls.