Enrage Me Harder, Please

You know, I really have to do something about this tendency I have, to write according to mood. It works fine if the mood I'm in matches what I have to write about, but otherwise it works against me.

Now, most people wouldn't complain about being in a good mood, but I apparently feel the need to be an exception. Right now it's bloody inconvenient. I keep wanting to write about things that have nothing to do with my plot-line.  In the last section of my book I had no trouble at all writing about the chemistry between two of my main characters. There was, in fact, a rather erotic dream sequence that I think turned out extremely well. 

Crime fiction being what it is, however, you can't write a whole book, or even the majority of the book, detailing erotic scenes. It would be like saying, "Oh, sure there's a psychotic serial killer on the loose, but we're too busy banging each other to bother investigating. Let someone else find him."

Obviously I've got sex on the brain at the moment, and that's not even particularly good for me personally. I'm not about to go out and flag down a passing motorist in hopes of 'getting some', even if the guy turned out to feel it was his lucky day. For one thing, duh, sexually transmitted disease. For another, I'm just not built that way. Casual encounters are not my thing. I need my brain engaged before my body hops on the bandwagon for the closing chorus.

While I was in a relationship (and getting some regularly, obviously), I didn't have to worry about not finding the right mood. It would never take long for me to experience a wide range of emotional responses. Granted, my last relationship was tumultuous at best, so it's not surprising. That was nearly five years ago, and I'm just not mad anymore. I stopped being angry within a couple of months. That's obviously a good sign when it comes to my mental health, but still no help to me as a writer.

The closest I come to being pissed off these days seems to be when I reach a peak level of annoyance, generally due to living with my daughter. There's nothing wrong with her, or with our relationship, other than the usual irritations that people have when they spend a lot of time with someone else. We get along better than most, however, and the annoyance is so mild I can shrug it off with a "Meh" and go on my merry way.

I have no problem with writing from multiple viewpoints. That's something I learned in high school many year ago, and I never forgot the lesson. It's emotion I struggle with. If there isn't sufficient emotion in a scene it comes off as wooden, much like the acting of Kristen Stewart.

Every writer struggles with at least one aspect of their writing. Some people find they experience creative blocks where their imagination fails them utterly. They stare at a blank page or screen for hours. That's not my problem, especially not lately. Pretty much everyone I talk to will trigger an idea, to the point where I have too many and it scatters my focus.

I think if I were an actor it would be easier. I can put on a face if I need to. Writing requires plumbing the depths of thought and communication. You don't just have to look pissed off, you have to communicate it. Besides, people kind of shrug it off if every emotion isn't perfect in a movie. Books are generally read by people who expect more from their entertainment.

Actually, there are things that piss me off these days, but then I rant about them and I'm done with the subject. If I held onto my anger like I used to, I'd have had heart failure long before now. As a younger woman I knew how to hold a grudge. Probably the Scottish part of me. It was a trait that came to me through my father, I know that, and he was half English and half Scottish. Having dealt with a crappy childhood, however, meant I had to let go of stuff like that or I was never going to survive.

So, in a nutshell, having a healthy mindset seems to have screwed up my ability to write to some extent. Go figure. Some of the best-known writers in history have been absolute messes in real life. A lot of alcoholics and drugs addicts on that list.

Well, whatever it takes, I don't intend to follow suit. I prefer to be able to say my work was accomplished through my own efforts, rather than brought on by the Green Fairy.