I got a wake-up call recently regarding the way I've been spending my time. I don't mean to say I was entirely wasting my time, because I don't think that's possible for me. I just realized that a lot of my thoughts were focused in a direction that has no purpose. Spending far too much time thinking about something futile meant it was drawing my focus away from more worthwhile endeavors. The funny thing is, I thought I was focusing on real life for a bit, rather than my writing, but the truth is my writing is much more my real life than what I was thinking about. Confusing? I certainly thought so!
It seems that only writers have this bizarre conflict. Sure, a lot of my writing does focus on real life, so in that sense it's still about the real world. However, my fiction is where it's at when it comes to my true work-passion. That's not to say I'm going to stop writing non-fiction, because I've discovered it makes for great variety. It also improves my fiction work, making it leaner and more precise. I don't have a vomitous mass of words that I have to get out, since my non-fiction work does that for me. I also lose the need to focus on a cause in my fiction, because I write about causes on a fairly regular basis. I'm able to step away from the pulpit and stop preaching, so that my fiction is strictly about the story.
Fiction is real life to me, though. It's what I've been doing since I was twelve years old. Granted, my work at twelve was seriously limited, and would have only appealed to other twelve-year-olds, but at least I was practicing! Then, as a teenager I wrote a story of revenge against an ex-boyfriend, so it was only appealing to a teenage audience. Real grown-ups don't bother with revenge against an ex. I don't care what the divorce statistics tell you. None of that is necessary if both parties act like adults. The problem there is that most people don't.
Fiction is real work, too. In a sense it's like being an actor, except you have to have the capacity to embrace every role, every character. You have to place yourself in someone else's shoes, but not just one pair. You have to feel the emotions of the characters in order to be able to write about them convincingly. You don't just slap on a fake face and pretend to cry. You have to be able describe the gut-wrenching pain that's making you cry. You have to explain the motivation behind a person who hates women so much he wants to kill them. You have to know, deep down, why a man is angry with his wife, and why his wife did the things she did to piss him off.
It's not that I don't want a life outside of my work. I do. The life outside my work isn't quite as interested in me, however, and I'm not willing to waste time waiting on life. So, I will focus my energy where it needs to be until such time as my outside life meshes with my inner one, and I find the acceptance I crave there. My writing is who I am, though, so that's as real as it gets. It may be fiction, and I may have to imagine things that aren't an intrinsic part of my nature, but it's still me. It draws from somewhere inside of me.
So, whatever feelings I have toward my outside life will not be wasted in the long run, because they'll be channeled into my inner world. That's the joy of being a writer. Orson F. Whitney once said, "no trial that we experience is wasted," and that applies a hundred times over for writers. No emotion we feel is a waste because it turns into cannon fodder, being sacrificed for the good of our writing. Besides, if we hold it in our hearts for our writing, it remains alive inside us, available for later should we find we again have need of it.
Sunday, 3 March 2013
Saturday, 2 March 2013
11 Signs You're Predatorial
If there's one thing I've learned about myself over the last few years of being forced to take a back seat to life, it's that I have a lot more patience than I thought I did. I'm used to being ferocious and going after everything I want. It was how I was taught to live my life. I had to learn the hard way, though, that chasing after things had to be done the right way or it was worse than pointless - it became counter-productive. So, with that in mind I've come up with this list of qualities a truly predatorial creature should display.
P.R.E.D.A.T.O.R.I.A.L Qualities
1) Patience - Predators need patience in order to find the right moment to go after what they want. Striking too soon usually results in loss of your prey. Everything is about timing here.
2) Restlessness - An unwillingness to lie back and do nothing, or sit still while life passes you by. It might seem like the opposite of patience, but it's part of a pattern that works toward a successful hunt.
3) Eyes Front - All predatory animals have eyes that face forward. It's simple evolution. You have to be able to see and track your prey, and if your eyes don't face forward you can't do that effectively. Eyes on the side of the head are still useful to some extent, but the inability to judge distance to prey means they're only helpful in seeing something is actually there and not how near or far it is.
4) Devotion -You know what you want. You focus on it. You stick with it. Loyalty to a goal is the only way anything ever gets achieved. If you waffle in your devotion, you can be sure you'll never get anything. There's an old native saying along the lines of, "If you chase two rabbits, you will lose them both." Pick a goal, stick with it.
5) Ambition - You have to want more than what you already have. Makes sense, doesn't it? If you don't want something, you don't chase after it. If you already have it, there's nothing to chase.
6) Territoriality - Hunting for anything means guarding your territory. If you don't, someone starts poaching. This applies to life and business. The worst consequence of not guarding your territory is when you've done all the work and some other predator swoops in to enjoy the spoils. If you don't make sure you've claimed those spoils, you don't reap the rewards.
7) Openness - Occasionally things don't work out the way you think they should, which means being open to a change in focus or direction. That doesn't mean giving up on your main goal. It means finding another path to it.
8) Ravenousness - Hunger is vital. Without hunger there is no motive for the hunt. If you're not hungry for something, you'll lack all of the other qualities required for a successful hunt.
9) Intensity - The need to feed and achieve will come across as intense. The fact is, this is threatening to most people who are the focus of this intensity. They should feel threatened. Humans have the instincts of both predators and prey, so when someone more predatory than we are comes along, we fear them on a primal level.
10) Aggressiveness - You can't eat something if you don't go after it and kill it. All the skill in the world won't help you if you don't close the deal. That means showing no mercy when you've got your prey begging for it.
11) Linearity - Once you discover what you want, there is a very direct line to it. If you dodge and weave, it's going to get away from you.
As far as my own situation is concerned I'm in the patience phase, but you can't be fooled by the facade. It just means I'm waiting for the right moment to strike. Most of the other qualities are already in place just waiting for the lame gazelle to make its appearance. Do you have what it takes to be a predator and go after what you want? Well, I hope so...as long as it's not in my territory that is.
Note - Predatorial is not a word. It's a mash-up. Just thought I'd share that before someone else gave me a verbal smack-down.
P.R.E.D.A.T.O.R.I.A.L Qualities
1) Patience - Predators need patience in order to find the right moment to go after what they want. Striking too soon usually results in loss of your prey. Everything is about timing here.
2) Restlessness - An unwillingness to lie back and do nothing, or sit still while life passes you by. It might seem like the opposite of patience, but it's part of a pattern that works toward a successful hunt.
3) Eyes Front - All predatory animals have eyes that face forward. It's simple evolution. You have to be able to see and track your prey, and if your eyes don't face forward you can't do that effectively. Eyes on the side of the head are still useful to some extent, but the inability to judge distance to prey means they're only helpful in seeing something is actually there and not how near or far it is.
4) Devotion -You know what you want. You focus on it. You stick with it. Loyalty to a goal is the only way anything ever gets achieved. If you waffle in your devotion, you can be sure you'll never get anything. There's an old native saying along the lines of, "If you chase two rabbits, you will lose them both." Pick a goal, stick with it.
5) Ambition - You have to want more than what you already have. Makes sense, doesn't it? If you don't want something, you don't chase after it. If you already have it, there's nothing to chase.
6) Territoriality - Hunting for anything means guarding your territory. If you don't, someone starts poaching. This applies to life and business. The worst consequence of not guarding your territory is when you've done all the work and some other predator swoops in to enjoy the spoils. If you don't make sure you've claimed those spoils, you don't reap the rewards.
7) Openness - Occasionally things don't work out the way you think they should, which means being open to a change in focus or direction. That doesn't mean giving up on your main goal. It means finding another path to it.
8) Ravenousness - Hunger is vital. Without hunger there is no motive for the hunt. If you're not hungry for something, you'll lack all of the other qualities required for a successful hunt.
9) Intensity - The need to feed and achieve will come across as intense. The fact is, this is threatening to most people who are the focus of this intensity. They should feel threatened. Humans have the instincts of both predators and prey, so when someone more predatory than we are comes along, we fear them on a primal level.
10) Aggressiveness - You can't eat something if you don't go after it and kill it. All the skill in the world won't help you if you don't close the deal. That means showing no mercy when you've got your prey begging for it.
11) Linearity - Once you discover what you want, there is a very direct line to it. If you dodge and weave, it's going to get away from you.
As far as my own situation is concerned I'm in the patience phase, but you can't be fooled by the facade. It just means I'm waiting for the right moment to strike. Most of the other qualities are already in place just waiting for the lame gazelle to make its appearance. Do you have what it takes to be a predator and go after what you want? Well, I hope so...as long as it's not in my territory that is.
Note - Predatorial is not a word. It's a mash-up. Just thought I'd share that before someone else gave me a verbal smack-down.
Friday, 1 March 2013
Odd Ends and Another Miraculous Survivor
Stimpy, my ferret, has cancer - two kinds apparently - and the vet thinks he's a bloody miracle for doing as well as he is. Pancreatic tumours causing insulinoma (low blood sugar), and lymphoma causing his enlarged kidneys. He's going on prednisone to bump up his blood sugar, which is also an anti-inflammatory to help his kidneys. Plus, a higher blood sugar will likely help with nausea symptoms.
So, for now it's palliative care to keep him happy for as long as he keeps fighting. I asked about prognosis with regard to how much time he might have left with us, but the vet has no idea how long he's got - 4 months ago she would have said he wouldn't be alive today, but here he is, and he's actually a little bit better than he was! Won't be able to get the meds for a week, but it would have been Tuesday before they came in anyway even if we'd had the money. A few days doesn't really make a difference, thankfully.
We'll have to pick up some vitamin paste for him, so that I can get something into him right away if he starts getting head tremors again (a symptom of low blood sugar, among other things). Now that things are picking up on the financial end again, we're able to take care of a lot of things that were left by the wayside, which includes treats for the boys. Of course, now that it isn't technically just a treat, I could have justified the expense of the vitamin paste anyway.
I have to say it's nice being able to get some additional laundry done even! My daughter washed some of the big items we haven't been doing (to save on laundry money), which included a cat bed, and now I've got both my ferrets sleeping beside me in the cat bed almost constantly. Stimpy couldn't care less about cuddling with Pepper, but Pepper wants to be wherever Stimpy is. I moved all of my office-type stuff into the dining area of the apartment, and partially blocked it off with one of my bookshelves, so I can concentrate better on my work, and it seems whenever I'm in this area I've got the boys with me. It's an awesome feeling to know that they come looking for me and want to be with their 'mama'.
Next week we have to replace some of the furniture that got left behind when we moved last, since my former mother-in-law owned the house and I believe it's been foreclosed on now. I couldn't reach anyone to pick up the few items that were still there, so I have to shrug my shoulders and re-purchase a few things. My office chair was one of them, a bunch of clothes, plus the cushion for one of the Ikea chairs. Never mind all the electronics that failed right after we moved into this apartment. I got the new router the other day, so it's one item off the list.
Thankfully we've never lost everything we owned, the way my daughter's friends did in the fire last week, but we are extremely short on pretty much everything. It's a good thing I know almost nobody in this city, and have no social life whatsoever, because I don't have to worry about people coming over and having nowhere to sit. I feel bad for my daughter, though, who isn't comfortable inviting her friends over with no seating to be had. I've got one fully assembled Ikea chair, and the frame for the second one (but with no cushion). Soon she will be able to bring over her friends for PS3 games. I think she's planning to get Assassin's Creed 3 when she gets her next paycheque. She's certainly been waiting long enough for it!
Okay, I should correct myself. My social life isn't non-existent. I have an online social life, and I'm going to the fundraising party for the victims of last week's fire. That party alone will set me up for the next two years I think. Maybe I'll go crazy and go out for a few drinks or something! Or maybe I'll be the cheapskate I usually am and just drink a few beers at home for the first time in a few years. I'm actually a little shocked I remembered that I needed to pay for another month of my wireless service. I don't get, or make, a lot of calls, so my phone mostly gets used for scheduling purposes these days (it's a BlackBerry), but it's still good to have for emergencies.
People shake their heads at my anti-social nature, completely incapable of comprehending how I can live without constantly being surrounded by people. Meanwhile I don't understand how most people can stand constantly being surrounded by people. There have been very, very few people in my life hat I've been able to spend large amounts of time with. My daughter is one of them. Oddly, my ex was another, but it still was never enough for him. I always thought he should consider himself lucky I was willing to spend more than an hour a day with him, considering my personality type. That and the fact that there were always a million things I had to do back then.
I have to say, I'm feeling really bloody positive these days. Lack of pharmaceutical drugs to turn me into a zombie, regular exercise with weights, getting out of the house on the odd occasion, and buying a few much-needed items will do wonders for anyone's spirit, I guess. I still have to finish my tax forms, and for that I should be smacking myself around plenty. I also have a Wikipedia page to complete, and a new show to brainstorm names and graphics on. Wow! Just by saying that I got a wicked image in my head for graphics for during the actual show. Now I just have to see if I can do it!
I think the thing I'm most grateful for at the moment, aside from Stimpy doing so well for being so sick, is coffee. I have filters, coffee and flavoured whitener. Everything a growing writer needs to keep her from pounding her head on her laptop every time Wikipedia gives a preview error message regarding proper citing formats. I will win, Wikipedia. Oh, yes. I will win.
So, for now it's palliative care to keep him happy for as long as he keeps fighting. I asked about prognosis with regard to how much time he might have left with us, but the vet has no idea how long he's got - 4 months ago she would have said he wouldn't be alive today, but here he is, and he's actually a little bit better than he was! Won't be able to get the meds for a week, but it would have been Tuesday before they came in anyway even if we'd had the money. A few days doesn't really make a difference, thankfully.
We'll have to pick up some vitamin paste for him, so that I can get something into him right away if he starts getting head tremors again (a symptom of low blood sugar, among other things). Now that things are picking up on the financial end again, we're able to take care of a lot of things that were left by the wayside, which includes treats for the boys. Of course, now that it isn't technically just a treat, I could have justified the expense of the vitamin paste anyway.
I have to say it's nice being able to get some additional laundry done even! My daughter washed some of the big items we haven't been doing (to save on laundry money), which included a cat bed, and now I've got both my ferrets sleeping beside me in the cat bed almost constantly. Stimpy couldn't care less about cuddling with Pepper, but Pepper wants to be wherever Stimpy is. I moved all of my office-type stuff into the dining area of the apartment, and partially blocked it off with one of my bookshelves, so I can concentrate better on my work, and it seems whenever I'm in this area I've got the boys with me. It's an awesome feeling to know that they come looking for me and want to be with their 'mama'.
Next week we have to replace some of the furniture that got left behind when we moved last, since my former mother-in-law owned the house and I believe it's been foreclosed on now. I couldn't reach anyone to pick up the few items that were still there, so I have to shrug my shoulders and re-purchase a few things. My office chair was one of them, a bunch of clothes, plus the cushion for one of the Ikea chairs. Never mind all the electronics that failed right after we moved into this apartment. I got the new router the other day, so it's one item off the list.
Thankfully we've never lost everything we owned, the way my daughter's friends did in the fire last week, but we are extremely short on pretty much everything. It's a good thing I know almost nobody in this city, and have no social life whatsoever, because I don't have to worry about people coming over and having nowhere to sit. I feel bad for my daughter, though, who isn't comfortable inviting her friends over with no seating to be had. I've got one fully assembled Ikea chair, and the frame for the second one (but with no cushion). Soon she will be able to bring over her friends for PS3 games. I think she's planning to get Assassin's Creed 3 when she gets her next paycheque. She's certainly been waiting long enough for it!
Okay, I should correct myself. My social life isn't non-existent. I have an online social life, and I'm going to the fundraising party for the victims of last week's fire. That party alone will set me up for the next two years I think. Maybe I'll go crazy and go out for a few drinks or something! Or maybe I'll be the cheapskate I usually am and just drink a few beers at home for the first time in a few years. I'm actually a little shocked I remembered that I needed to pay for another month of my wireless service. I don't get, or make, a lot of calls, so my phone mostly gets used for scheduling purposes these days (it's a BlackBerry), but it's still good to have for emergencies.
People shake their heads at my anti-social nature, completely incapable of comprehending how I can live without constantly being surrounded by people. Meanwhile I don't understand how most people can stand constantly being surrounded by people. There have been very, very few people in my life hat I've been able to spend large amounts of time with. My daughter is one of them. Oddly, my ex was another, but it still was never enough for him. I always thought he should consider himself lucky I was willing to spend more than an hour a day with him, considering my personality type. That and the fact that there were always a million things I had to do back then.
I have to say, I'm feeling really bloody positive these days. Lack of pharmaceutical drugs to turn me into a zombie, regular exercise with weights, getting out of the house on the odd occasion, and buying a few much-needed items will do wonders for anyone's spirit, I guess. I still have to finish my tax forms, and for that I should be smacking myself around plenty. I also have a Wikipedia page to complete, and a new show to brainstorm names and graphics on. Wow! Just by saying that I got a wicked image in my head for graphics for during the actual show. Now I just have to see if I can do it!
I think the thing I'm most grateful for at the moment, aside from Stimpy doing so well for being so sick, is coffee. I have filters, coffee and flavoured whitener. Everything a growing writer needs to keep her from pounding her head on her laptop every time Wikipedia gives a preview error message regarding proper citing formats. I will win, Wikipedia. Oh, yes. I will win.
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